Yeah...Well BIG DEAL...All that has changed ; I'VE GOT CANCER NOW !

HHHMMMNNnnnnnn I mulled over in my head .

They continued., "You've got a handle on this...You had your ‘one hell of a year' !

I never thought this would happen to me..."  Oh....

My initial advice is to always "uncontract"; and remain open at the top !

I have found my peace, and I busy myself helping others, in the actual living-out of life..."Where the Rubber Meets the Road! Real and authentic...rare these days are they not? Living a life that honors every aspect of our humanness; and accepting each and every circumstance as an opportunity to experience real peace...actually living, not thinking it or dreaming it.

What is it you are afraid of...really?  Baldness, Puking, Weakness, having to depend on someone else? Do you even know? Do you even know what it is you are running from? I have been there; and perhaps to some degree I am still there! I train my clients, and I help around the house; enjoying my Sons who are in College and are taller than I. I have actually shrunk in height and lost much of my mass (although I am fatter!). I still have a certain amount of pain, and I go to the Doctor on the morrow to investigate it. I have also found bedrock, and have a better understanding of who I am. 

"I'm afraid of not being strong enough; and on some level I'm, I'm, I'm afraid of being afraid...Some worry and say, "I'm afraid that if I really do experience moments of weakness and fear, that I'll be unable to maintain positive thoughts, and, and as the voice tends to waver...then I won't be able to beat this Cancer' ! As far as fear goes, psychologists tell us that we are born with only two fears, the fear of Loud Noises and the fear of Falling. All other fears  are learned responses, and as such can be unlearned if we wish ! 

Friends, readers of this Blog , allow me to say that within this last calendar year of much pain, Surgeries,  Cancer, Physical weakness, Heart Attacks and the fear of not being who I thought I was...I found myself ! Finally! When I sat, propped by the phone, listening to Maurice read me the riot act from San Francisco, it was tough! Tough listening as the Doc and I talked about my fears of being human, of my feelings of shame for having had a Heart Attack...I SHOULDN"T HAVE HAD A HEART ATTACK ! I'm FRED GORDON, the muscle man! I'm Dr. Chi Gung ...I do lots of Tai Chi Chuan and Chi Gung and devote much time to meditation...THIS SHOULDN"T HAVE HAPPENED TO ME !...As the tears fell!... 

FREDDY...Maurice said... "You have my permission to be human!"  You, who have faced death in the face so many times...You, The Bear of the Mountain.

You are facing Age and you are human, and it is alright...Nobody will think any less of you! In fact, you are alive today ‘because of your practice! The Big guy isn't finished with you yet, and no I don't mean Bruce! You are still needed, perhaps even more than ever...welcome to being human...no relax!" 

Fear...my biggest fear..."Not being needed and of being no use!...of not being there for my Students. I am an Usher ; and I help people cry; shedding light upon another's Path ; helping people to get out of holes they find themselves, because I'm been there before, and although I can't see in the dark, I've been there before, and I may know a way out! 

What I do know is that when I got to the center of who I was, face to face with my fears and worries, personally afraid of being afraid. And of being found-out...

When I realized the darkness wasn't empty, that it wasn't cold, and that it had texture ; when I realized I wasn't abandoned but Accepted and tended to, almost to the point of being Cherished , I stopped being afraid and set aside my anger, my self-blame and any personal shame... 

"Life is good, and then...It sucks big-time! (or so it seems...).

We (you and I) too often have become attached to the Drama, thus shifting away from the truth that is in us.

We are all but human, and we should celebrate all of our humanity, foibles and all, warts and all!  If not, if not this acceptance and consequent bestowing of slack and forgiveness, for ourselves and others, our lives are soon filled with stress, worry, and hopelessness, rather than possibility and potentiality. 

Because life is always changing, we find ourselves in a continual process of "Letting Go"; of transition. Weird as it seems, we humans have a resistance to change, which actually causes our focus to be on what we don't want, and thus anxiety enters. 

As humans, we all tend to be creatures of habit, and sometimes to such an extent that we will stick with old beliefs, mindsets and conditionings that are no longer (if ever) serving us, because we prefer them to the unknown. 

Know what? Life as we know it falls away! Relationships end, disasters loom and accidents happen; even health challenges can loom its ugly head. Then guess what manifests ... fear, helplessness, anger and even despair; and we can't think clearly, and we run out of answers! HHHMMMNNnnnn.

Actually, this may be a good sign! 

As Wendell Berry wrote; "It just may be that when we no longer know what to do- We have come to our real work

  And when we no longer know which way to go -

  We have begun our real journey !"

Yes, when facing life's major calamities, we often need to be brave ; but, life doesn't require us to be brave all the time, and you don't have to be strong all the time... As Christopher Robin said to my friend Winnie The Pooh :

 "You're braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem and smarter than

You think " Just be real...

Besides, being scared, mad, glad , sad...whatever , it's all OK ! It's a natural part of just being human , and I hear it said that "becoming a human being is quite enough !"

I have found that it takes real courage to embrace the "Shadows" of our lives, the not-so- good traits we all possess, or those not so beautiful parts  of our personal histories.

On the one-hand we want and need healing , yet, how can we ever hope to experience the Unconditional Love, Unconditional Acceptance and Unconditional Forgiveness  of TAO / God / the Creative and Sustaining Power of the Universe, especially in the dark places in our lives, if we are afraid to even go there !

Honor how you feel...but remember you are not what happens to you, and feelings are neither right nor wrong !

Things happen to us all, and we have all done things we are not all that proud of.

Forgive, and remain open at the top ; and stop being afraid of being afraid ; You are already accepted...