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I’ve just started today (9/10) on Month 5. While I keep up to date on posts of those who are several months ahead of me and appreciate all they have written, I’d like to know in “real time” how others at or near my current level are doing right now. I’m experiencing some rollercoaster emotional and physical situations in daily life as I go further into this practice: anxiety, insomnia – things that appear suddenly and just as suddenly resolve themselves. Anyone else having that happen? Beginning at Month 5, adding new layers feels overwhelming. I still have difficulty with monkey mind though I no longer nod off. My inclination towards perfection is the biggest self-defeating aspect so far, so I take to heart Bruce’s advice to do my best. I also wonder if my lack of five or ten years experience doing other practices such as chi gung or tai chi has a big impact on my ability to learn Taoist meditation.
Hi, Holly.
Sounds like things are rather difficult for you this month. I started with this when the circle began and just downloaded month 8. I had quite a bit of other things, both tai chi, chi gung, and meditation so it was a different experience for me. One of the things that Bruce mentions a lot is the 70% rule which is a way to keep from straining in any of his practices. You might consider how that would work for you. Perhaps shorter sessions, short periods of rest while you’re meditating, moving through the materials more slowly. I’m not a master or teacher so I can’t really advise you, however all the practices are complementary and taking a yoga, chi gung, or tai chi class might be a physical practice that could help balance the mediation work. this stuff is powerful and I think we all need to monitor ourselves and our reactions to not overwhelm our systems.
I hope others will comment. Good luck with everything.
Hey, Holly – that’s exactly where I am! I actually started Month 5 a little while ago, but have been in and out of town and some other things going on, so I basically consider myself to be at the beginning on Month 5. Although I am not experiencing the exact same thing as you, I think we all have our individual challenges, and everyone is a little different. One thing I do wrestle with occassionally is the idea that I should be doing better, or feeling like I’m not getting it, or I’m behind everyone else…this has gotten better with time, and with practice – it’s just a matter of knowing that your mind will churn up these things from time to time, and you learn to just let it go. It’s all part of the process. After I take time off, when I come back usually my mind just won’t settle down initially. I sit anyway, knowing that if I stay in a rhythm for a few days, it will settle. I think even advanced meditators deal with monkey mind from time to time.
When I started Taoist meditation, I started it at the same time as tai chi and chi gung. So I was pretty much where you were, only there was no course building up to it like this group, I was just throw right in to Inner Dissolving. I just did what I could, and stuck with it. Trust me, sometimes it was really frustrating! But I am so glad I stuck didn’t give up!
I hope we, as well as anyone else who is a little behind the rest of the group, can continue to communicate and have a dialog about what’s going on with our practice. We can always go back and read the discussions that have already happened, but I think it’s important to be able to have more of a “live” dialog, too – to have a sense of support and conversation instead of thinking “well, it won’t do much good to post, because everyone has already moved beyond this point.” Thanks to Matthew and everyone else who has checked the forum and replied to those of us who are a little behind! This is intense stuff, keep plugging along, Holly!
Matthew and Catherine – Thanks for responding. Your comments have been very helpful. I expected to be able to keep up, and in falling further and further behind most of the group, felt I was not “getting it.” Now I’m allowing the possibility that this might take me 2 or 3 times as long as others, and that that’s ok. It is intense stuff – first I struggled with insomnia for a week and would lay in bed with my mind racing for hours. Then in the past week I’ve encountered an almost total lack of sleepiness where I’m up, awake and alert for all but 4 hours every 24. My attitude is to simply accept it as a way my body is adjusting to what I’m learning, and not get overly concerned. Though I’ve heard the 70% rule before, I definitely needed to be reminded again. I should put it on a poster where I see it every day!
Both Matthew and Catherine always provide excellent feedback. This practice has made me much more sensitive to what is going on inside of both my mind and body so things that I would have just dismissed in the past or not even been aware of are now present and front and center. This has made things more complex but also given me great hope for breakthroughs, which I have already experienced. I am, without a doubt, in a different place now both emotionally and spiritually than I was when I started this program. It is better.
However, I was going to post this morning that I wish my mind would come up with better distractions. If I am going to have a distraction why can’t it at least be a useful distraction instead of the drivel that was distracting me this morning. Just random stuff.
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